Personal Fool: What's More Pathetic?

By Bam Ransom, Contributing Writer

Philadelphia, PA (Sports Network) - Major league baseball has gotten underway.

The NFL draft is close enough to feel.

The NBA soon starts its second season.

A foot of snow is falling in Denver.

That must mean it's time to play, "Hey, quick, what's more pathetic?"

In the tradition of family game shows like, "Quien es muy macho?" and "Hmm, is that ear wax?" "Hey, quick, what's more pathetic?" combines feats of memory and bad judgment, fortified by Czech malt beverages, into the most irrelevant game show gracing the pages of this publication.

So without further ado, let's get to the first round.

(To make this column more pleasing to your neighbors, please read your answers out loud, in a very high-pitched voice.)

Hey, quick, what's more pathetic?

Jay Cutler grinding on internet columnist Julia Allison at a club in Chicago, OR...Denver Broncos fans showing up in internet chat rooms to point to his flirting as PROOF that Cutler sucks?

Hey, quick, what's more pathetic?

The $1.5 billion new Yankee Stadium, complete with $2500 home plate tickets, OR...the over $300 billion in federal funding provided to Citigroup, the namesake of the New York Mets' new CitiField?

Hey, quick, what's more pathetic?

Golfer John Daly hawking official "John Daly" pictures and caps and gimcracks, beer in hand, in the parking of the Masters tournament while he serves what can probably only be called an alcohol-related suspension, OR...Golfer Tiger Woods acting like both a human being and a mortal golfer in the same week?

Hey, quick, what's more pathetic?

That 73-year old John Madden is retiring, after over 25 years in broadcasting, his best days, clearly, WAY behind him, OR... the fact that people will rarely remember Madden as the NFL coach with the highest winning percentage in the league, EVER?

Hey, quick, what's more pathetic?

The St Louis Blues fanatic who wrote-in Blues player T.J. Oshie for mayor in the election in O'Fallon, MO and then photographed and posted his ballot on a blog, OR...St. Charles County Elections Director Rich Chrismer, the over- officious, uber-official, who has threatened to prosecute the fan according to an arcane law that criminalizes the disclosure of the contents of a ballot?

Hey, quick, what's more pathetic?

The fact that "good" tickets to Denver Nuggets playoff games are retailing on StubHub for around $180 apiece, OR...that I think that's a mighty reasonable price for playoff tickets?

Hey, quick, what's more pathetic?

The fact that all first-round NFL draft picks will make more in their first contract in the NFL than the average teacher will in their career, OR...that KNOWING that, perhaps more than 25 NFL wannabes this year, invited to the NFL Combine, tested positive for a banned or illegal substance, despite having advanced notice that the they'd be tested for banned and illegal substances at the Combine?

Hey, quick, what's more pathetic?

That the Philadelphia 76ers had to take the Cleveland Cavaliers into overtime to win by ONE point on Wednesday, even though Cleveland rested all their starters, OR...the Detroit Pistons under Allen Iverson?

And if you scored higher than 10 in this round, then congratulations!

YOU'RE most pathetic.


Bam Ransom's "Personal Fool" appears at on alternating Fridays.

Comments? Criticism? Applause? Contact Bam Ransom at
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