Philadelphia, PA (Sports Network) -
It's debate season. I'm not just talking about the presidential debates either. While Mitt Romney and Barack Obama are aiming for the presidency, the NBA's top players have their own agendas in mind.
Today, their voices will be heard. Welcome to the first-ever NBA fantasy debate. Don't expect it to be any more civil than the real debates. The first question is for LeBron James:
MODERATOR: Mr. MVP ...
LEBRON JAMES: Mr. MVP or Mr. NBA Champion. Either one is fine.
MODERATOR: Mr. MVP and NBA Champion, what can you promise fantasy owners next ...
JAMES: Mr. Olympic gold medalist is acceptable too, if you'd like to call me that.
KEVIN DURANT: Doubt you would have won gold without my 30 points against Spain.
MODERATOR: Mr. Durant, you'll have your chance to speak in a moment. Now Mr. MVP ...
JAMES: What about the gold I won in 2008? Were you on that team, Kevin? I don't think so. I'm the best all-around player in the game. I pass, I play great defense, I rebound.
DWIGHT HOWARD: Did somebody say something about rebounding?
MODERATOR: Mr. Howard ...
JAMES: Dwight? Who invited you to this debate?
DURANT: Yeah, come back when you learn how to make a free throw.
HOWARD: What do I need to make free throws for? Steve Nash is just going to be feeding me alley-oops all day. Watch me average 25 points a game this season.
MODERATOR: Mr. Howard and Mr. Durant, Mr. James was speaking ...
ANDREW BYNUM: Good luck with that, Dwight. I played with Kobe for seven years. You're never going to touch the ball.
KOBE BRYANT: Are you calling me a ball hog?
JAMES: Kobe, what are you, like 40?
BRYANT: Second in the NBA in points last season. All I have to say.
DURANT: Yeah, who was first?
MODERATOR: Please Mr. Durant ...
CARMELO ANTHONY: Would have been me, if I had been healthy.
JAMES: Carmelo, I think you have the wrong room. Turnovers anonymous is down the hall.
MODERATOR: We really have to get back to the question now ...
ANTHONY: You're one to talk, LeBron. You had more than three turnovers a game last season.
JAMES: That's because I was doing all the work.
DURANT: Exactly, that's why you scored so many points. Now that [Dwyane] Wade and [Chris] Bosh are healthy again, you'd be lucky to get 25 points a game.
JAMES: Maybe, but how about the six assists per game I gave fantasy owners last season? How many did you average, like one?
DURANT: Yeah, you're right. I was too busy nailing 39 percent of my three- pointers. Want me to teach you how?
MODERATOR: Time's up Mr. Durant.
JAMES: You're just too scared to go inside the three-point line.
ANTHONY: I'm not.
HOWARD: Give it a rest, Carmelo. We get it. You like to shoot.
ANTHONY: So do you.
HOWARD: Get out of here, 'Melo. I've won three Defensive Player of the Year awards. Do you even know what defense is?
ANTHONY: Who cares, we have [Tyson] Chandler for that.
BYNUM: Enough, you two. Both of you would have been good fantasy picks ... five years ago.
DURANT: Dude, you play for the Sixers.
BYNUM: Exactly. I'm the only good player so I'll have the ball as much as I want. Scoring title?
JAMES: Keep dreaming, Bynum.
DURANT: Seriously, where's [Kevin] Love? He's better than both of you guys.
MODERATOR: It's time for the next question ...
ANTHONY: You didn't hear? Love broke his hand.
JAMES: Hey Kobe, aren't you missing Bingo night at the retirement home right now?
CHRIS PAUL: Yeah Kobe, you're not even the best player in L.A. anymore.
BRYANT: Back off, Paul. You'd be nothing without [Blake] Griffin.
MODERATOR: We're really getting off track here.
DURANT: I like Blake.
PAUL: What are you agreeing with him for?
DURANT: Come on. The guy dunked over a car.
PAUL: Yeah but his points and rebounds per game both went down last year.
BYNUM: He still scored 20 a game.
JAMES: You say that like it's a big accomplishment. Even Carmelo gets 20 points a game. You're probably the only one of us who can't, Bynum.
ANTHONY: I'd be scoring 30 a night if Stoudemire weren't around.
BYNUM: Always has to be about you doesn't it, 'Melo?
ANTHONY: Says the guy who just got shipped out of L.A. because of his "attitude" problem.
MODERATOR: Mr. Anthony, you'll have your turn to talk. Now the next question is for ...
RUSSELL WESTBROOK: Hey guys ... sorry I'm late. What did I miss?
PAUL: Westbrook? Holy Cow ... what are you wearing?
WESTBROOK: What, you don't like my new shirt?
MODERATOR: Mr. Westbrook, we have to move on ...
BYNUM: It looks like you stole Michael Jordan's Ryder Cup outfit.
BRYANT: It's way worse than that.
PAUL: Worse than his fish hook shirt?
BYNUM: Or the one with the teddy bears on it?
WESTBROOK: Hey, I thought we were here to talk some basketball. I scored almost 24 points per game last season.
PAUL: Only because you took 19 shots per game.
MODERATOR: That's it. I give up.
DERRICK ROSE (watching from home with a cast on his leg): This is stupid. I'm the best player in the NBA. Hmmm, I wonder if Honey Boo Boo is on right now ...