Pitching Melo
Philadelphia, PA (SportsNetwork.com) - Word on the street is Carmelo Anthony is looking for a new team. He's already set up meetings all over the country including a Tuesday sit-down in Chi-Town and another one Wednesday in Houston. Right now, he's headed to Los Angeles to break bread with Kobe Bryant.

What's frustrating to me is that all the teams he's meeting with are giving the same exact pitch: "If you play here, you'll win a championship."

Boringggg. In case you've forgotten, Carmelo already HAS a championship. Yeah it came in college, but who cares? So the man peaked early. A ring's a ring.

Championships shouldn't be the focus here. After scoring a mere 27 ppg last season, I think the time has finally come for Anthony to realize his true fantasy potential. And guess what? That ain't happening in L.A. or Houston.

Though he rarely takes my advice, here are seven teams Melo should definitely look into.

Atlanta Hawks

Come on, Melo. You were born to shoot threes. But somehow, you only managed 415 attempts last season. Clearly the Knicks' conservative approach has been holding you back. That and having to play with J.R. Smith, that shameless ball-hogging knucklehead.

Here in Atlanta, all we do is shoot threes (second-most attempts in the league last season). And look at our small forwards: DeMarre Carroll, Cartier Martin, John Jenkins ... we need you, Melo!

Heck you don't even have to be accountable for your own actions. You want to elbow a guy in the throat? Go right ahead. Who's going to mess with Paul Millsap and Al Horford? It's like having a bodyguard on the court with you at all times.

We can't pay you as much as the Knicks but you'll definitely save money on clothes. Winter ... what's that? Leave that down jacket in New York. It's Hotlanta, baby!

Boston Celtics

I know we've had our problems in the past but things are different now. Kevin Garnett doesn't even play for us anymore. You've said for years you wanted to play with Rajon Rondo. Here's your chance!

Don't worry about money either. We've got plenty of it. Didn't you hear? We just paid $32 million for Avery Bradley, a shooting guard who can't even shoot.

You'll be living large in Beantown. Boatloads of cash, a pass-first point guard looking to give you the ball on every possession ... what could be better?

Minnesota Timberwolves

We heard you're into scoring. Well so are we (third-most points in the league last season). If you have any doubts about our commitment to points, consider this. We let Corey Brewer take 30 shots in a game last season. Where else could you get away with that?

Shoot it 100 times for all we care. We pay Ricky Rubio for assists, not points. And who cares if Kevin Love complains about your shot selection? He's gone next year anyway.

After-party at Prince's house! I hope you like pancakes.

Orlando Magic

Talk about money to burn. We just gave Ben Gordon $9 million. Did he play last year? Better yet, do we even care? He's a living, breathing basketball player and whenever we see one of those, we have to throw money at it.

Arron Afflalo is gone (we just traded him to Denver) so the starting small forward gig has your name on it. And if you ever get tired of playing here, which you definitely will, just demand a trade. It worked for Dwight Howard, didn't it? We don't even care if you hold our whole team hostage for two years. Dwight did that too and it worked out fine. Man, I wish everyone was more like Dwight. Remind me to send him a gift basket when we're through here.

Philadelphia 76ers

There's no sugarcoating it, Melo. You're a relentless gunner. And that's what we love about you. Philly always values a good ball hog. Just look up at the rafters. We retired Allen Iverson's number last season.

You know how great it is in Philly? Michael Carter-Williams, a guy who couldn't shoot to save his life at Syracuse, led all rookies in scoring last season. If MCW can score 17 a night, you could probably put up 80.

Want to expand your horizons? Play center for us. It's not like Joel Embiid and Nerlens Noel are going to be healthy anytime soon. And didn't you hear? We're getting LeBron James. Well actually Embiid just tweeted at him, but that's practically the same thing.

Sacramento Kings

You must be concerned that three of our players (DeMarcus Cousins, Rudy Gay and Isaiah Thomas) averaged 20 ppg last season. You're thinking, what about my points? No problem. We'll trade whoever you want. Except for Boogie. We really like Boogie.

Also, we play absolutely no defense. That's your thing, right? Great, we'll have Shaq draw up the contract.

Toronto Raptors

Take a look at our power forwards: Amir Johnson, Patrick Patterson and Tyler Hansbrough. Think you can do better? Probably. I should warn you, we were somewhat competitive last season (third in the Eastern Conference). Hopefully that's not a deal breaker.

We just spent $48 million on Kyle Lowry so money's a bit tight. Drake can give you a lifetime supply of lint rollers though. Our away uniforms are black, and black shows everything, so they're actually pretty useful. Do we have a deal then?

Enjoy your free agency, Melo. And remember, championships are overrated. Unless it's a fantasy championship you're after. Then we're all about it.

Comments? Criticism? Applause? Contact Jesse Pantuosco at jpantuosco@sportsnetwork.com.

Powered by The Sports Network.

Advertise with us!